You Can’t “Love & Light” Your Way Out of Shadow Work

Let me just say this first: if you've ever gritted your teeth through a breakdown and whispered "I'm fine" with a throat chakra tighter than your jeans after brunch—this one's for you.

I had a whole version of this post ready. I recorded a beautiful podcast about shadow work, and babyyy... technology humbled me. The audio was trash. But maybe that was divine. Maybe I needed to go deeper. So here we are.

We're talking shadow work. Not the cute aesthetic version with a Pinterest board of quotes, but the real work. The stuff that makes you uncomfortable. The parts of you you’ve been told were "too much" or "not enough." The parts of you that learned to shrink, smile, and say "thank you" when you really wanted to scream into a pillow.

Here's what I know for sure: You can't fake your way to peace.

Toxic positivity tells us to vibe higher, push down our pain, and just be grateful. But what happens when you're dying inside and nobody sees it? That, my love, is bypassing—not healing.

So what is your shadow, really? Your shadow is not evil or broken. It's just the parts of you that didn’t get their needs met. It's your jealousy, your grief, your anger, your unmet desires. It’s the side of you that gets labeled "dramatic" or "too sensitive." And when we ignore those parts, we project, we burn out, we sabotage ourselves—all in the name of "keeping it together."

I know this because I've done it. I’ve picked relationships from my wounds. I've played the pick-me. I've forced gratitude when all I wanted to do was cry. And every time I ignored my shadow, she came back louder.

So how do we stop bypassing and start becoming?

We embrace our shadow as an act of self-love. Shadow work isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about becoming whole. Wholeness lives in the messy middle—not on the highlight reel. It shows up when you say what you need, even if your voice shakes. It shows up when you cry instead of scroll. When you breathe instead of bury.

Here are a few signs you might be bypassing your own growth:

• You say "I'm fine" but feel like you're drowning.

• You judge others for being expressive or emotional.

• You can’t sit still in silence without reaching for a distraction.

• You pretend you’re over it, but your body is telling a different story.

  
  

And here’s how embracing your shadow can change your life:

• You stop spiraling because you start listening.

• You speak up for your needs instead of people-pleasing.

• You see your triggers as teachers, not threats.

• You begin to regulate your nervous system instead of bypassing your emotions.

  
  

Let me offer you a reframe: You can be strong and need support. You can be grateful and still be grieving. You can be healing and still have hard days.

This isn’t about choosing light or dark. It’s about holding both. That’s the magic. That’s the becoming.

If you’re ready to dig deeper, check out the Shadow Work Starter Kit. It’s free. It’s gentle. It’s yours. You can grab it: https://www.lindseycacy.com/shadow-work-starter-kit to start uncovering the parts of yourself that are ready to be seen and held.

Also: the Choose to Become Friday Pep Talks are now only on YouTube. I'm showing up (sometimes in sweats, sometimes in eyeliner), because hiding my light to avoid judgment is a pattern I'm done with. And maybe seeing me show up scared-but-doing-it-anyway is exactly what your inner self needed to witness.

So let this be your permission slip to stop hiding. To stop performing. To let your shadow speak. Because your shadow isn't your shame—it's your signal. Let it guide you home.

Sending you so much love and sitting with you in the messy middle.😘