top of page
Search

What Your Jealousy Is Really Trying to Tell You (Hint: It’s Not About Her)

Let’s talk about her. You know the one. That girl on Instagram who just announced another win, booked the trip, landed the client, or showed up in that outfit you wouldn’t dare—and suddenly your throat closes a little. You’re not proud of it, but the pang is real.


Or maybe she walks into the room, and without even trying, you’re sizing yourself up against her. Comparison hits. The spiral begins. And deep down, it’s not really about her. It's that feeling again: Why not me?


First of all—pause. Take a breath. You are so not alone. And this post? It’s not here to shame you for that feeling. It’s here to flip that whole narrative on its pretty little head.


Because what if jealousy isn’t a red flag… but a mirror?


Jealousy Is Just Data (With a Side of Sass)

Here’s the truth: You’re not jealous of her. You’re jealous of the version of you she reminds you of.


Read that again.


Jealousy is a mirror reflecting back the parts of yourself you’ve been suppressing, shrinking, or told weren’t welcome. That girl living out loud and full-color on your timeline? She might just be embodying a version of you that’s been buried under years of being "the strong one," "the good girl," or the low-key chill queen who never asks for much.


She’s not your enemy. She’s your invitation.


The Real Threat? It’s Not Her—It’s What She Woke Up in You

Let’s get nervous-system-level real for a sec. If you’ve spent your whole life playing roles that made other people comfortable, anyone who doesn’t play by those rules might feel like a threat.


But baby, that “threat” is actually just truth knocking at your door.


So the next time you catch yourself side-eyeing someone for being too much, too loud, too sexy, too confident—ask yourself: What’s really being activated in me right now?

Is she triggering a part of you that wants to be bold but doesn’t know how? Or a version of you that’s been told it wasn’t safe to be soft and visible?


Yeah. Let’s go there.


Stop Spiraling. Start Asking Better Questions.

Here’s your toolkit. Because at Choose To Become, we don’t just talk about the work—we do the damn thing.


1. Drop the Story. Get Into Your Body.

When that jealousy hits, don’t let your mind create a novella about it. Your brain will run wild with stories that aren’t even true. Instead, pause and feel into your body. Is it tightness in your chest? A sinking in your belly?


Name it. Breathe into it. This interrupts the pattern and brings you back to you.


2. Flip the Script.

Ask: What part of her am I judging? And what part of me might actually want that too?


Whether it’s the way she speaks, what she wears, or how boldly she shows up online, can you admit you low-key want that freedom too?


And if you believed it was safe for you to have it… what would change?

(Hint: everything.)


3. Reclaim the Projection.

Here’s a truth bomb: You can’t be triggered by what isn’t already in you.


So that confidence, that softness, that bold energy you’re side-eyeing? Yeah, sis—it’s already in you. It’s just waiting on your permission slip. Time to hand it over.


Use Jealousy As Your GPS, Not Your Kryptonite

What if you let jealousy be the breadcrumb that leads you home?


That pang in your chest? It's not about her. It's about what you told yourself you weren’t allowed to want.


Maybe it’s rest. Maybe it’s sex. Maybe it’s money or being loud and seen and celebrated. Whatever it is—that feeling is here to wake you up, not take you down.


So next time she triggers you, instead of spiraling, say thank you. Because she just gave you a clue about the version of you that’s ready to emerge.


Let This Be Your Loving Slap in the Face 💅🏾

Softly but seriously: stop wasting your precious time playing small while pointing the finger. You’re not stuck. You’re not broken. But you are being called to choose something different.


The world doesn’t need more perfectly curated women who play by outdated rules. The world needs you—the bold, honest, whole you who isn’t afraid to show up and say, “This is who I am.”


So dust off that jealousy, give her a kiss on the cheek, and let her be your mirror, not your enemy.


Your next chapter? It starts right here.


Ready to stop performing and start becoming? That’s exactly why I created the Becoming Her Masterclass: Ditch the Performance & Rewrite Your Role. It’s not just another feel-good pep talk. It’s a reclamation.


Join me for 60 minutes that just might change how you see yourself forever.


Let’s rewrite the script together. 💋

 
 
 

Comments


bottom of page