How Forgiveness Frees Your Heart (Even If They Never Apologized)

This week’s episode of Choose To Become is a tender one. Like, big breath, hand-on-heart kind of tender. So I wanted to bring that softness here too, in blog form. Because if forgiveness has been lingering in your heart lately—whether it’s toward someone else or (more likely) yourself—then this is for you.

Let’s talk about the F word. Not that one. The other one: Forgiveness.

A Story I Couldn’t Tell Until Now

On May 12th, it would’ve been my son’s father’s 41st birthday. He passed away earlier this year, and while we were no longer together—and hadn’t been for a long time—his death cracked open something unexpected in me.

Confusion and grief. Yes. But also… forgiveness.

And listen. That wasn’t something I ever thought I’d write, much less feel.

Things had become deeply unhealthy, and eventually, I made a difficult decision to start over across the country with my kids—to protect our peace and well-being. It was an incredibly painful and stressful chapter, one that took a serious toll on me emotionally and physically.

But something shifted after he passed. It didn’t undo the past. It didn’t make it okay. And it certainly didn’t take away the pain we experienced.

But in the stillness that followed the storm, in the space where fear no longer lived… something else began to rise.

Forgiveness Isn’t What You Think It Is

Let’s be clear on something right now: Forgiveness is not pretending it didn’t happen. It’s not letting someone off the hook. And it’s definitely not about reconciling with someone who harmed you.

Forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about you. Your body. Your nervous system. Your future.

It’s about loosening the emotional leash that the pain has on you. It’s about choosing softness, even if just for one breath. It’s about saying, “I don’t need to carry this anymore.”

And let me tell you something I’m still learning: You can forgive someone…And never speak to them again . You can forgive someone…And still hold that boundary. You can forgive someone…And still be healing from what they did.

When Grief Makes Space for Grace

The day before his birthday—Mother’s Day, of all days—I was driving home from teaching yoga, feeling good, when this wave came over me. It felt like… presence. Like his spirit was there. I got goosebumps. I instinctively put my hand on my heart and whispered, “thank you.”

And maybe it was his spirit saying Happy Mother’s Day. Or maybe it was just my heart making peace in its own way.

Either way, I felt it.

The next day, I let my son skip school. We chased waves at the beach, got milkshakes and lunch, went to the movies—simple things that used to be beautiful before they weren’t. And in that moment, none of the trauma took center stage. Just joy. Just presence. Just love.

And isn’t that what healing wants to look like?

What Forgiveness Can Look Like

• A breath where rage used to live

• Saying their name without burning up inside

• Softness around a situation that once hardened you

• A journal page burned, a letter never sent, a truth finally said out loud—even if no one else hears it

  
  

Forgiveness doesn’t erase memory. It just makes room for your healing.

If You’re Holding On To Something…

Here’s what I want you to ask yourself:

• Who still holds unspoken power over your peace?

• What version of you would be freed if you let go?

• What would happen if you softened, even for one breath?

  
  

And if the person you need to forgive… is you? Join the club. I’ve had to forgive myself too, for what I didn’t know, for what I missed, for how hard I was on myself when I was just trying to survive.

It’s not easy. But it’s necessary.

Parenting Through Pain

I’m gonna do a whole other episode on this someday, but let me just say: parenting while healing? It’s a beast. But it’s also a blessing. Because it breaks cycles. Because it lets you show up for your kids in ways that weren’t shown to you. It teaches you to be the safe space you needed.

And on this side of it, after the storms, after the anger, after the survival mode—I looked at my son this week and thought…

There couldn’t have been a better mom for this kid than me.

And that knowing? That hit different.

Forgiveness Isn’t the End. It’s the Beginning.

Forgiveness doesn’t tie a pretty bow on your story. It makes room for the rest of it.

So if you’re holding something heavy today, let this be your reminder:

• You don’t have to carry it the way you did yesterday.

• You can be soft and strong at the same time.

• You are not weak for feeling this. You are brave for being with it.

• Forgiveness is yours to give—on your timeline, in your way.

  
  

And if all you do today is breathe a little deeper or hold your pain with a little more compassion… that’s more than enough.

Sending you so much love and grace.💖